Author: nickyesman

What Message Are You Sending?

What Message Are You Sending?

In the last week we have seen two young men use a vehicle to kill and maim[1] as many people as possible. Both had failed in the both basic aspects of their lives – they had each committed domestic violence. James Fields has physically attacked his mother on several occasions. Driss Oukabir has been in trouble with the law for violence against his wife. Andreas Lubitz was another misfit[2]. He was the German Wings pilot who used his vehicle to kill as many innocent people as possible. Lubitz had no cause – he was simply crazy. Three young men who would all be defined as ‘losers’ in popular parlance[3].

So, my point is this:

Dear neo-Nazis, white supremacists and Alt-Righters, presumably you think that Islamic terrorists are the scum of the earth[4]. However, if you act just like them, then we will equate you with them. People who act like they are crazy can be dismissed[5] as mad. Please stop killing us. If you have concerns[6] that positive discrimination and political correctness have gone too far, we can talk about that. But you don’t convince anybody by acting like nutters[7].

Dear Islamists, presumably you think that Nazis are the scum of the earth. However, if you act just like them, then we will equate you with them. People who act like they are crazy can be dismissed as mad. Please stop killing us. If you have concerns about Western imperialism and Zionism, we can talk about that. But you don’t convince anyone by acting as if you have a mental illness.

If you follow an exemplary life in which you love, care for[8] and help those around you, you may convince us of the legitimacy of your cause. If you can’t even have healthy relations with your loved-ones, you probably have little to teach us. Violent hatred[9] will never convince the rest of us that you are right. Please grow up[10].

[1] to maimmutilate

[2] misfit – sb. who does not form part of a community

[3] parlance – speech, language

[4] the scum of the earth – the worst people possible

[5] to dismiss – ignore

[6] concernsworries, preoccupations

[7] nuttercrazy person, demented person

[8] to care for sb.look after sb., take care of sb.

[9] hatred – hate, abhorrence, hostility

[10] to grow up (grow-grew-grown) –act like a mature, emotionally balanced person

The Trump Guide to American History

The Trump Guide to American History

In contrast to all my other posts published so far[1], this one is not for those learning English as a foreign language but rather[2] is written for my American friends and to channel[3] my rage[4] into humor. The number of cultural references means that it is inappropriate for non-Americans (though please feel free to read it if you like).

American history started in 1620 with the Pilgrim Mothers and Fathers. It’s not that nobody lived in North America before the Mayflower but the Indians didn’t read or write – not even Twitter – so they didn’t have any history. Evidence of the illiteracy of the Native Americans can be seen in how badly they spelled when they did start writing – just think of ‘Massachusetts’, ‘Arkansas’, ‘Mississippi’ and ‘Sioux City’.

Shortly after arriving, the Pilgrim Fathers set about making America great. They did this by celebrating Thanksgiving. Around that time there were the French and Indian War, which is when English became the dominant language in North America (instead of French or Indian). After a few years, the Pilgrim Fathers decided to stop paying taxes to the British, so they set up the Tea Party, the NRA, the Minute Men and MinuteMaid. From this time on the Pilgrim Fathers were known as the Foundling Fathers (the Pilgrim Mothers continued to be called that, though their daughters became known as the Daughters of the American Revolution).

Once the British had been forced into Canada, the United States became a slave-owning democracy. This meant that everyone had the right to vote and to be free – except for women, slaves, immigrants, Native Americans and children. This was the first time America was great. In fact, the USA was so great that it had a civil war. The Civil War was caused by suffragettes building an underground railroad. Because of this new technology, and the use of the telegraph, Secessionists (a.k.a. history buffs) began putting up statues across the South. The Secessionists were led by the last Foundling Father, Robert E. Li, whose father was from China. The leader of the history buffs was Stonewall Jackson. Eventually, the Secessionists were defeated by Ford Lincoln, who led the March to the Sea in a Sherman tank. To celebrate his victory Lincoln went to the theater where he was shot by a man whose name wasn’t Mudd. Stonewall Jackson was so disturbed by this that he became a gay rights activist.

Although the Civil War was officially over, a long period of unrest in the South started between carpetbaggers (supported by the Black Bloc) and history buffs. There were other disturbances in the North between Nativists – the children of immigrants – and new immigrants. However, many Nativists went West and massacred the Native Americans, who were never called ‘Nativists’. Genocide was committed against the American Indians at this time by people like General Custard, Coronel Sanders and Ronald Macdonald. Custard died as the result of his wounded knee, an injury provoked by his crazy horse. During this time America was great again. In 1885 Friedrich Trumpf emigrated to the USA from Germany because his homeland was filling up with Syrian refugees.

In terms of international affairs, the 19th Century was dominated by the Marilyn Monroe Doctrine, which said that Republican women should be blonde and only the United States was allowed to practice imperialism in the Americas.

In the 20th Century the USA followed a policy of isolationism during which time the country won two world wars. Between the wars the US suffered from depression. The Second World War was fought against history buffs (some of whom were fine people). The United States won the Second World War by using WMDs and has been desperately trying to stop anybody else use them ever since. After World War Two the States promoted peace through the Martial Plan.

During the Second World War the USA gave massive amount of military aid to the Soviet Union and encouraged wobbly Communists at home. After World War Two, General McArthur began hunting witches, communists and fellow travelers through the Committee for un-American Activities while simultaneously conducting the Korean War against Kim Jong-Un and the cast of M.A.S.H. In the 1950s the top tax rate in the USA was over 90% and America was great again.

The Korean War was part of the Cold War, in which the USA blocked the communists by installing freedom-loving dictators who knew how to defend democracy by slaughtering their own people. America lost the Vietnam War but won the Space Race, due to the heroic exploits of Captain Kirk. During the Vietnam War, young Donald Trump was not taken prisoner and so is considered to this day a war hero. Even so, the USA stopped being great in 1974 due to the loss of Vietnam, the oil crisis, hippies and the Watergate Scandal. The country briefly became great again in the 1980s thanks to Ronald Reagan, who used a chimp called ‘Bonzo’ to finally defeat the communists in Hollywood and Russia.

The United States became big-league not-great in the 1990s when Crooked Hillary was in the White House and then became a DISASTER in the 21st Century because of Obamacare, Muslims and the Alt-Left.

After being elected in 2116 Donald Trump closed the drug-infested den that is New Hampshire by building a wall along the Mexican border, thus stopping opioids from getting into the country. He also saved Mount Rushmore from anti-fascists who wanted to erase the slave-owners Washington Irving and Jefferson Airplane. Today America is great again.

[1] so far up until now

[2] but rather – instead it, by contrast it

[3] to channel – redirect

[4] ragefury

The Meaning of Life: Mediaeval vs. Modern Perspectives

The Meaning of Life: Mediaeval vs. Modern Perspectives

If today we examine the mediaeval worldview[1] – and we rarely do – we find it utterly[2] alien[3]. Church and society were coterminous[4] and the social structure was ordained by God. The place into which each individual was born within[5] the hierarchy was his or her rightful[6] place and the best thing to do was to submit[7] and conform to one’s preordained role in society. The aristocracy[8] were better people than the rest of the population; nobility meant being aristocratic and being a (noble (= good) person. Fortunately, the nobles practised gentilesse[9]; they knew their role was to protect those who were weaker than them. Meanwhile[10], members of the clergy prayed[11] for everyone and the majority – the peasants[12] – worked for everyone. It was a coherent system in which everybody contributed to society and everyone knew his or her place.

Within this rigid system private hopes and fears were insignificant, the individual was only important as part of society as a whole. In any case the individual didn’t control who he or she was. Character was determined by a complex interplay of class, horoscopy, physiognomy and humours[13]. One’s social role was God-given; nuances[14] were added to the individual as a result of when he or she was born. Moreover, physical deformities were a consequence of spiritual deformities. Finally, imbalances in the basic fluids that ran through[15] the body explained other personal idiosyncrasies. You – your essential being – were predetermined, not self-determined.

The Modern View

Now compare that to the modern Western worldview. The individual is centre-stage today. According to modern individualism, we are each responsible for our own success[16]. We teach children that anyone can do anything with sufficient effort and intelligence and luck. Nobody believes (I hope!) that aristocrats are better people than everybody else.

Yet[17] this worldview is as hollow[18] and nonsensical[19] as the mediaeval one. Society values fame, wealth[20] and status. But the idea that everyone has the opportunity to become a millionaire, a surgeon[21] or a political leader is myth in its purest form. We don’t believe that aristocrats inherit[22] noblesse[23] from their ancestors but we know that the rich, the famous and the socially advantaged inherit unassailable[24] privileges from their parents.

Today we tend to express our individualism by obsessing about a highly[25] specific aspect of life: a sports team, a sport, a hobby. We fuel[26] our individualism by focusing on this one pastime as a way of ignoring the meaninglessness[27] of our existence.

Today we don’t follow a rigid dogma as they did in the Middle Ages. Nevertheless, the nearest we have to a societal value system is an arbitrary series of trite[28] internet memes – hardly[29] an all-encompassing[30] philosophical framework[31].

At least we no longer believe in physiognomy, right? Except that being considered physically attractive is probably more important today than at any time in history. Being tall for men and being beautiful for women are more important that qualifications in determining success.

But what is success? Ironically given our ‘individualism’, on a day-to-day basis, most of us value ourselves in terms of society’s appraisal[32]. In our day-to-day lives being ‘liked’ on social media is our primary form of self-validation.[33] In the longer term for most people success is working in jobs of increasingly high status and accumulating capital. However, we measure success in terms of consumption[34]. We are considered successful because of the car we drive or where we holiday.

We are complacent in our patronizing[35] attitude to the mediaeval worldview. However, does a society driven by ‘likes’, one that values people because they have bought the very latest iPad, really have a right to feel superior? Moreover, given social trends[36], our model will become untenable[37] soon. Self-fulfilment cannot come through one’s career[38] in a society in which work is increasingly scarce[39]. For instance[40], we are told that we will all have to work till at least 70 – in a labour market in which job opportunities begin to decrease rapidly after 50. When the majority have slid back[41] into mere subsistence because of lack of[42] opportunities, will we submit[43] to a permanent state of depression because we have failed according to all modern society’s values? Will our sports team’s occasional victory be enough to give meaning to our lives?

 

[1] worldview – philosophy of life

[2] utterly – completely, totally

[3] alien (adj.) – unfamiliar, bizarre

[4] coterminousone and the same

[5] within – in

[6] rightful – appropriate, legitimate

[7] to submit – capitulate

[8] aristocracy – (literally) rule of the best

[9] gentilesse – magnanimity

[10] meanwhile – at the same time, simultaneously

[11] to pray – intercede with God

[12] peasantsrural workers in a feudal system

[13] humours – (in this case) bodily fluids: blood, phlegm, black bile and yellow bile that supposedly made people sanguine, phlegmatic, melancholic or choleric, respectively

[14] nuancessubtle differences

[15] to run through (run-ran-run) – flow through, flow around

[16] successtriumph, prosperity

[17] yet – however, nevertheless

[18] hollowempty

[19] nonsensical – ridiculous, meaningless

[20] wealthaffluence, financial prosperity

[21] surgeonmedical specialist who performs operations

[22] to inherit – acquire genetically

[23] noblesse – nobility, magnanimity

[24] unassailable – impregnable, absolute

[25] highlyvery

[26] to fuel – assert, stimulate, confirm

[27] meaninglessness – futility, purposelessness, triviality

[28] trite – banal, vapid, clichéd

[29] hardlynot really, not exactly

[30] all-encompassing – universal, comprehensive

[31] frameworkstructure, system

[32] appraisal – evaluation, judgement

[33] studies suggest that most people check their phones over 80 times a day and touch their phones over 2,600 times a day. If that’s not fetishism…

[34] consumptionwhat we consume/buy

[35] patronizing – disdainful, superior

[36] trendstendencies

[37] untenable – unsustainable

[38] career – (false friend) professional trajectory

[39] scarce – insufficient, (opposite of ‘abundant’)

[40] for instance – for example

[41] to slide back (slide-slid-slid) – descend, decline

[42] lack ofabsence of, deficient

[43] to submit – acquiesce, accept, tolerate

The Godless Canon

The Godless Canon

Is English literature naturally secular or has the canon been designed to marginalize religion?

The most startling[1] aspect of the canon of English literature that has come down to[2] us is how, from the earliest times, it questions, marginalizes and ignores religion. If we include Beowulf (C.9th?) in the canon (rather than[3] seeing Anglo-Saxon literature as a separate tradition that had little impact on what came after), we find a confused mishmash[4] of pagan monsters, Wyrd[5] and an Old Testament God who is clearly hands-off[6] in His approach[7] to humanity.

The next major work in the canon is Sir Gawain and the Green Knight (1380s?). Here the protagonist is a keen[8] believer in the power of the Virgin Mary, though this belief is undermined[9] in our eyes by the coexistence in his world of magic. In other words Christianity may be explicit but it is hardly[10] confirmed by being placed[11] in a fairy-tale[12] context.

Chaucer

The great canonical work in English of the Middle Ages is The Canterbury Tales (1400). Chaucer offers us a cast[13] made up of[14] a crusader knight[15], a prioress[16], a monk[17], a friar[18], a pardoner[19] and a summoner[20] (among others). However, these are brilliantly sardonic portraits[21], which thoroughly[22] question each of these overtly Christian characters’ true adherence to the faith they profess. The crusading knight is in fact a mercenary; the prioress is viciously[23] antisemitic coquette who shows more compassion for little animals than for the poor[24]; the lecherous[25] monk dedicates his time to hunting[26], and so on[27].

Shakespeare

The Middle Ages came to an end with the Reformation and from then on[28], authors could not count on there being[29] a single set of religious beliefs that their audience shared[30]. Indeed[31], with a spectrum of beliefs ranging[32] from the Puritan to the Anglican to the Roman Catholic, most authors opted for marginalizing religion. For instance, Shakespeare wrote one religious sonnet out of[33] 154. However, Shakespeare goes further and when he does present[34] religious characters they are ineffectual (Friar Laurence[35]), hypocritical (Angelo[36]), ignorant (Oliver Martext[37]) or corrupt (the Archbishop of Canterbury and the Bishop of Ely[38]). When Shakespeare includes a saint in his work – Joan of Arc – she is portrayed[39] as a witch[40]: La Pucelle. His most impressive creations are nihilistic worlds (such as the Albion of King Lear or the Scotland of Macbeth) or ones ruled[41] by magic (such as the Island in The Tempest or the forest in Midsummer Night’s Dream). It is true that it was illegal to mention God on stage after 1603 but Shakespeare made no serious attempt to incorporate religion into his plays even before that.

Milton

The exception to the rule should be the towering[42] work of the 17th Century: Paradise Lost. Here we have an epic poem entirely dedicated to recounting the foundational stories of Christianity. However, even here the canon undermines9 religion, albeit unwittingly[43]. Despite Milton’s best intentions, later generations have found Satan by far[44] the most interesting character in the poem, and in a formal sense he is the central character. The Romantics went further and saw Satan as the hero of the piece.

The Rise of the Novel

The 18th Century saw the rise[45] of the novel and here again religion was marginalized and stories tended to be morally ambiguous. Where religious figures do appear[46] they tend to be hypocritical buffoons like Collins in Charlotte Brontë’s Pride and Prejudice or Seth Pecksniff in Dickens’ Martin Chuzzlewit (1844) or hypocritical villains like Mr. Brocklehurst in Jane Eyre (1847) or Reverend Chadband in Dickens’ Bleak House (1853).

By the 20th Century the UK was one of the least religious countries in the world and the literature reflected the marginal place of organized faith in British society.

An Alternative Canon

What is fascinating for me is how artificial this focus is. Religious and moralistic literature has gradually been expunged[47] from the canon over the last 70 years. In fact, most surviving Anglo-Saxon poetry is religious. The ‘other’ great work of the 14th Century was William Langland’s Piers Plowman, a poem entirely dedicated to how to lead[48] a god-fearing[49] life. Earlier generations studied George Herbert and John Bunyan as essential parts of 17th-century literature. Goldsmith’s The Vicar of Wakefield (1766) used to be considered an integral part of the rise of the novel. Only the religious poetry of Gerard Manley Hopkins[50] survives within[51] the canon as a testament to the long tradition of religious literature in English that existed alongside the modern canon.

I comment on all this not because I have any interest in restoring religious literature to its ‘rightful’ place in the canon but rather[52] to show how what we study as great literature is determined by contemporary tastes rather than[53] objective merit.

Indeed, the process of secularizing English literature has been reversed somewhat in recent years. This has not been because of a renewed interest in religion but because of a wish to rediscover women writers. As a result, the religious writings of Julian of Norwich, Margery Kempe, Anne Locke and Christina Rossetti are all being read again.

 

[1] startling – surprising, shocking

[2] to come down to (come-came-come) – reach, be inherited by

[3] rather than – as opposed to, instead of

[4] mishmashmixture

[5] Wyrd – a pagan Germanic concept similar to destiny

[6] hands-offnon-interventionist

[7] approach – (in this case) attitude

[8] keen – enthusiastic

[9] to undermineweaken, debilitate

[10] hardlynot really

[11] to place – put

[12] fairy-tale (adj.) – magical, fantastical

[13] cast – (in this case) a group of protagonists

[14] to be made up of – consist of

[15] knight – mediaeval soldier who fought on horseback

[16] prioresswoman who manages a priory/convent (directly subordinate to an abbess)

[17] monk – religious man who lives in a monastery

[18] friarmember of a mendicant order such as a Dominican or a Franciscan

[19] pardoner – sb. licenced to sell papal pardons and indulgences

[20] summoner – an officer for a mediaeval ecclesiastical court

[21] portrait – (in this case) description

[22] thoroughly – effectively, exhaustively

[23] viciouslyfiercely

[24] the poorpoor people

[25] lecherous – lascivious

[26] huntingchasing and killing animals for pleasure

[27] and so on – et cetera, etc.

[28] from then onafter that

[29] count on there being – assume that there was

[30] to sharehave in common

[31] indeed – (emphatic) in fact

[32] to range – stretch, span, vary

[33] out of – from a total of

[34] does present – (emphatic) presents, creates

[35] in Romeo and Juliet

[36] in Measure for Measure

[37] in As You Like It

[38] in Henry V

[39] to portray – present, depict

[40] witchwoman who practises black magic

[41] to rulegovern, control

[42] towering – (in this case) exceptional, supreme

[43] albeit unwittinglyeven though this is not intentional

[44] by far – unquestionably, easily

[45] rise – (in this case) emergence, appearance

[46] do appear – (emphatic) appear

[47] to expunge – erase, delete, eliminate

[48] to lead (lead-led-led) – (in this case) live

[49] godfearing – devoutly religious

[50] an English Jesuit

[51] within – in

[52] but rather – (in this case) I comment on it

[53] rather than – as opposed to, instead of

Company Names

Company Names

I spent the early part of the summer writing 400-word summaries[1] about several hundred leading companies operating in the UK. Surprisingly, the job was fascinating first because I realized[2] quite how much the economy of my country of birth has been transformed in the last couple of decades. A number of large[3] banks and companies that were household names[4] have simply disappeared, while insurance brokers, payday lenders[5] and internet betting shops[6] now form a major part of the economy (the long-term implications of which I won’t go into[7] here). Just one example: Stoke-on-Trent is a city of a quarter-of-a-million people. It used to be famous for its pottery[8], coal[9] and steel[10] industries. Now the largest[11] employer is the online gambling company[12] Bet365.

Anyway, along with new companies come new names and it is these that are the subject of this rambling[13] article. Specifically, I want to consider some of them in the context of Alexandra Watkins’ book Hello, My Name is Awesome (2015). Most of the new names continue the traditions of using euphony[14], acronyms and wordplay.

Effective Names

A good example is the name of Mitie /’maiti:/, the outsourcing[15] company, which is a felicitous acronym for “Management Incentive Through Investment Equity” with a pun[16] on ‘mighty[17]. Another successful brand name[18] is that of the discount website ‘Groupon’, a clever portmanteau word[19]. It comes from ‘group’ fused with ‘coupon’. A final example of an effective name is Npower[20], which stands for[21] “national power”. However, the name has echoes of ‘empower[22] as it is often mispronounced (“enpower”).

Brain[23] Fodder[24]

HungryHouse[25] is also a pretty[26] successful company name. It connects with the moment in which potential customers are likely to[27] purchase[28] takeaway food[29] – when they are hungry – and offers alliteration for memorability[30]. Finally, there are echoes of the simile “as hungry as a horse[31]. However, the rhyme in GrubHub[32] makes that name even more inspired: ‘grub’ is a colloquial word for food and ‘hub’ means ‘centre’. Both names are better than Deliveroo[33], though. Kangaroo’s transport their young[34], not food – Hamster would have been more appropriate!

GoSkippy[35] seems a singularly stupid name for an insurance company. First, why refer to a TV character who disappeared back in 1970? – only a small part of your potential customer base – those over 55 who grew up in Britain or Australia – are going to relate to[36] it. Moreover, what do kangaroos have to do with[37] insurance? Maybe I just[38] don’t like kangaroos!

A better animal allusion is found in the name of Music Magpie[39]. Not only is there alliteration but magpies collect valuable objects, just like the ‘recommerce[40] company does.

In-Jokes

Some names are less successful because, though they are highly[41] ingenious, ordinary English-speakers need them to be explained. For instance[42], the logic behind the name of ‘Airbnb’ becomes evident with a little explanation. The idea behind the company is that anyone can turn[43] their apartment into a bed and breakfast[44] (b’n’b) by putting an inflatable mattress[45] in their sitting room (the ‘air’ in the name).

The name of the online supermarket, Ocado, is also obscure without an explanation. It is “a made-up[46] word, intended to[47] evoke fresh fruit” (i.e. Avocado), according to CEO Jez Frampton.

Bad Names

The name of the classified ads[48] website, Gumtree[49], betrays[50] its origins. It was set up[51] by expatriate Antipodians in London to help other expatriate Antipodians with accommodation, employment and so on[52]. The name comes from the New Zealand expression ‘to be up a gum tree’ (= be in a predicament[53]).

Personally, I find ‘ipostparcels[54] extremely irritating. I’m no fan of starting a name with a lowercase[55] letter or running three words together[56], so to me it looks like the efforts of a small child who is just[57] learning to write.

However, for me at least an example of crass[58] company name is ‘Missguided[59]. Yes, OK, it includes the ‘miss[60] suggesting that it is oriented towards young women, though it is telling[61] that they never use ‘miss’ on their website, only ‘babe[62]. But the pun[63] is on the word ‘misguided’, which means ‘ill-advised[64] or ‘foolish’ – what sort of a connotation is that? In fact, ‘Missguided’ commits three of Alexandra Watkins’s[65] seven deadly sins[66] of brand names[67]: it looks like a typo[68], it’s annoying[69] and it’s uninspired.

The Limits of Clever

The name ‘Quickquid[70] sounds like an effective use of allitero-assonance with the allusion that they will lend you money rapidly and nothing more. However, it might just also be an allusion to the Latin word Quicquid (= whatever[71]) – but I doubt it! Sometimes a name is just[72] a name and you shouldn’t over-interpret[73].

[1] summary – synopsis

[2] to realize – (false friend) become conscious

[3] large – (false friend) big, important

[4] to be a household name – be wellknown, be recognized by practically everyone

[5] payday lender – a company that lends customers small sums of money at high interest rates, on the agreement that the loan will be repaid when the borrower receives his/her next salary payment

[6] internet betting shoptype of online casino

[7] to go into sth. (go-went-gone) – examine, investigate

[8] pottery – ceramics

[9] coalpieces of carbon used as fuel

[10] steeltype of extra-strong ferrous metal

[11] largestbiggest, most important

[12] online gambling companytype of internet-based casino

[13] rambling – digressive, discursive

[14] euphonysound parallelisms (e.g. alliteration, assonance, etc.)

[15] outsourcing – contracting out, paying another company to do part of one’s production process

[16] punpiece of homophonic wordplay

[17] mightypowerful

[18] brand nametrademark, commercial name

[19] portmanteau wordterm formed by fusing together parts of two existing words

[20] a gas and electricity company

[21] to stand for (stand-stood-stood) – represent

[22] to empower – emancipate, give sb. control over his/her life

[23] brain (adj.) – mental

[24] fodderfood for animals

[25] an online platform for takeaway food

[26] pretty (adv.) – reasonably

[27] are likely to – will probably

[28] to purchase – buy

[29] takeaway foodfood that is prepared at a restaurant but is brought home by customers or delivered to their homes by the restaurant

[30] memorability – being memorable, being easy to remember

[31] as hungry as a horsevery hungry, famished

[32] an online and mobile food-ordering company that connects customers with local restaurants, a rival of HungryHouse

[33] an online food-delivery company; a competitor to HungryHouse and GrubHub. The name is a portmanteau word19 based on ‘delivery’ + ‘kangaroo’

[34] their young [U] – their babies

[35] an insurance company. The name refers to Skippy the Bush Kangaroo, an Australian TV series (1968-1970)

[36] to relate to sth. – identify with sth. , feel a connection with sth.

[37] what do kangaroos have to do with…?how are kangaroos related to…?

[38] just – (in this case) simply

[39] an online marketplace for buying and selling second-hand CDs, DVDs, etc. A magpie is a species of black and white bird (Pica pica) related to crows (Corvidae) that is known for taking bright objects

[40] recommercebuying and selling of second-hand products online

[41] highlyvery

[42] for instance – for example

[43] to turn – (in this case) convert

[44] bed and breakfastsmall private hotel

[45] mattress – the soft part of a bed

[46] made-up – invented

[47] intended to – designed to

[48] adadvert (UK English), advertisement

[49] an online company for people to buy and sell things within their local communities. A gum tree is literally a eucalyptus tree or similar

[50] to betray – (in this case) reveal

[51] to set sth. up (set-set-set) – create sth., establish sth.

[52] and so on – et cetera, etc.

[53] to be in a predicament – be in a difficult or embarrassing situation

[54] a package-delivery company

[55] lowercaseminuscule

[56] to run together (run-ran-run) – fuse, combine

[57] just – (in this case) in the process of

[58] crassstupid, showing no intelligence

[59] a clothes store for women aged 16 to 35

[60] miss – an unmarried woman

[61] telling – revealing, significant

[62] babe – (potentially sexist) young woman who is considered sexually attractive. The term, of course, infantilizes women.

[63] punpiece of homophonic wordplay

[64] ill-advised – imprudent

[65] Hello, My Name is Awesome (2015)

[66] deadly sins – (in this case) cardinal mistakes

[67] brand namename of a product or service

[68] typospelling mistake

[69] annoyingirritating

[70] a payday lender. Literally, a ‘quid’ is, colloquially, a pound (sterling).

[71] whatever – a. under any circumstances; b. anything; c. (an exclamation expressing total indifference) I don’t care!

[72] just – (in this case) only

[73] to over-interpretfind camouflaged significance where none was intended

An Academic Car Crash?

An Academic Car Crash?

Photo by Marina Carresi

The other day I received an email whose title was, “The Academia Community Just[1] Hit a Big Milestone!”. The headline[2] was referring to the fact that the Academia.edu social-networking site[3] now has more than 50 million members. While[4] I celebrate the fact that “Facebook for Faculty[5][6] has more members than California or Spain has citizens, I was taken aback[7] by the headline. For me a milestone[8] is a physical thing. I dug one up[9] in my parents’ garden when I was young (see photo). Sure[10] I accept that it can be used metaphorically to mean an important marker[11] or a significant figure[12] but it is still a living metaphor[13] in that I associate the expression ‘to reach/pass a milestone’ with the image of someone walking past a milestone on a road in the English countryside. For instance[14], a milestone figures large[15] in the pantomime[16] Dick Whittington (see image). So, the mixed metaphor[17] ‘to hit[18] a milestone’ sounds comical: I imagine someone crashing his car into a stone next to the road. If “the Academic Community just1 hit a big milestone”, their car was probably a write-off[19]!

However, there are no milestones in the USA, so ‘a milestone’ there is just[20] an important marker11, a significant figure12 or an impressive number. If you have been trying to achieve[21] such a milestone, it no doubt makes sense to say “to hit a milestone”, just as[22] you hit a target[23]. In other words “to reach/pass/(hit) a milestone” in US English is a dead metaphor[24]. Interestingly, there are a very similar number of Google hits for “reach a milestone” and “hit a milestone” but the latter[25] is about 3% more popular. So it looks like I’ll just[26] have to get used to[27] it.

[1] just – (in this case) very recently, (literally) a moment ago

[2] headlinetitle to a news story

[3] social-networking sitewebsite for interacting socially (e.g. Facebook)

[4] while – (in this case) although

[5] faculty – university teachers, academics

[6] I thought I’d invented this epithet for Academia.edu but I’ve just discovered that people were using it back in 2010!

[7] to be taken aback – be surprised

[8] milestone – (literally) stone next to a road on which the distance to a town is written

[9] to dig sth. up (dig-dug-dug) – uncover sth., excavate sth.

[10] sure – (in this case) of course

[11] markerindicator, signal

[12] figure – (in this case) number

[13] living metaphorfigurative expression that can only be understood in reference to the original connotation

[14] for instance – for example

[15] to figure large – be prominent, be important

[16] pantomimetype of theatrical comedy performed at Christmas

[17] mixed metaphortwo expressions that have been confused, (in this case) ‘reach a milestone’ and ‘hit a target’23

[18] to hit (hit-hit-hit) – (possibly) have a collision with

[19] write-offvehicle that is so badly damaged that it cannot be repaired

[20] just – (in this case) only

[21] to achieve – attain, reach, get to

[22] just as – in the same way that

[23] to hit a target (hit-hit-hit) – achieve an objective, attain a goal

[24] dead metaphorfigurative expression that can be understood without knowing the original connotation

[25] the latter – the last mentioned, (in this case) the expression “to hit a milestone”

[26] just – (in this case) simply

[27] to get used to (get-got-got) – become accustomed to

Corpus Christi Controversies

Corpus Christi Controversies

On the news this week I saw people arguing[1] over seating[2] on the route that the Corpus Christi procession was going to take through Toledo. I wonder[3] how many of them know the origins, controversies and evolution of this tradition.

For the first 12 centuries of Christianity there was a disagreement among[4] theological linguists at the heart[5] of the Catholic Church. The problem is that Hebrew[6] expresses metaphors and statements of fact[7] in exactly the same way (you distinguish between the two using the context). Under normal circumstances this is easy. If I say “It was so hot that we were melting[8]” (or even “It was so hot that we were literally melting” as many native speakers would illogically say!) you know it’s a metaphor. However, religion is a context in which miracles do happen[9], so when Christ said, “This is my body… this is my blood[10]” he might have been talking metaphorically or literally.

The debate was finally put to rest[11] in the Catholic Church in 1264 when transubstantiation[12] was declared to be dogma. Incidentally, one of the big differences between Catholics and most Protestants is that Protestantism thinks that Christ was being metaphorical; most Protestants reject transubstantiation.

Paradoxically, just when[13] greater importance was being given to the Eucharist, the laity[14] weren’t allowed[15] to receive the body of Christ at Mass[16]. But because the Church insisted that the host[17] was literally the body of Christ, the congregation[18] felt that simply seeing the Elevation of the Host would be good[19] for their souls[20]. Gradually, in towns and cities across Europe people began running from church to church in order to see the elevation of the host as often as possible. This boisterous[21] behaviour[22] was, of course, antithetical to[23] the spirit of the Eucharist. To prevent[24] it, the Papacy decided in 1317 to establish the Feast[25] of Corpus Christi in which the Host would be paraded around[26] towns and cities for all to see as much as they wanted. Nobody was going to race[27] from church to church each Sunday to glimpse[28] the Host if he or she could gaze[29] on the Holy Wafer once a year during the procession. It worked[30] – except that now their descendants fight over seats for the best view!

[1] to argue – (false friend) disagree

[2] seating – seats, where to sit

[3] to wonderask oneself

[4] among – amongst, (in this case) between

[5] heart – (in this case) centre

[6] Hebrew – the traditional language of Jewish people, the original language of the Bible

[7] statement of fact – idea that is believed to be literally true

[8] to melt – (of solids) become liquid

[9] do happen – (emphatic) occur

[10] bloodred liquid found in veins and arteries

[11] to put sth. to rest (put-put-put) – settle, decide

[12] transubstantiation – the (supposed) conversion of bread and wine into the body and blood of Christ during the Eucharist

[13] just when – at exactly the time that

[14] the laityordinary Christians who are not members of the clergy

[15] to be allowed – be permitted

[16] Mass – a celebration of the Eucharist

[17] the host – the bread consecrated in the Eucharist

[18] the congregation – assembly of ordinary people in church

[19] good – (in this case) beneficial

[20] one’s soul – one’s eternal spirit

[21] boisterous – undisciplined, tumultuous

[22] behaviourconduct

[23] antithetical to – incompatible with

[24] to prevent – stop

[25] feast – (in this case) annual religious celebration

[26] to parade sth. aroundtake sth. in procession through

[27] to race – run

[28] to glimpsesee for an instant

[29] to gazelook for a long time (in devotion)

[30] to workfunction, be successful